Ch-29 : Punchlines : Exercise 1
Directions : We come across many funny incidents in different walks of life. One of the funny incidents is the punchline or a climax which gives the incident a sudden transformation twist (into something not expected). It is this punchline which makes the incident funny. In each of the following questions, an incident is described but the punch line is missing – indicated by a blank. After the incident, two statements numbered I and II are given. Considering the incident, you have to decide which of the two statements fit as a punchline.
Give Your answers as :
(a) if you think only Statement I fits;
(b) if you think only Statement II fits;
(c) if you think both the Statements I and II fit and the wavelengths of approach in both the statements are also more or less the same;
(d) if you think both I and II fit but the ideas or wavelengths of approach in both the statements are different and contrasting;
(e) if you think none of the statement fits.
1. A asked B : “Have you forgotten that you owe me five hundred rupees?”
B replied: ……..
I. “No. I tried but I still remember it.”
II. “Yes, I have.”
2. Patient: “I have a pain in my right leg.” The doctor examined the leg carefully and declared, “Its nothing. Just because of old age.”
I. “Then cure me of senility, doctor!”
II. “Strange! So far as I know both legs are of the same age.”
3. A doctor was boasting: “I do not believe in unnecessary surgery ” .
I. My patients have seams only on their purses.
II. I never operate unless I really need the money.
4. A husband was saying. “My wife has not come back yet. She’s either been kidnapped, hit by a motor car or is shopping…….. ”
I. I hope she’s not been kidnapped.
II. I hope she’s not gone shopping.
5. A : “What kind of a doctor do you consult – allopath, homeopath or osteopath?”
I. “What does it matter? All paths lead but to the grave.”
II. “That depends upon the kind of fee they charge.”
6. I’ve been feeding my dog garlic .
I. His bark is worse than his bite.
II. He may be needing onions, may be.
7. Wife : The cleaning woman seems to have stolen two of our new towels. Husband: Which towels?
I. “The ones we had been gifted on our anniversary.”
II. “The ones we brought back from the hotel in Bombay.”
8. Boarder: “When I left my last boarding-house, the landlady actually wept.”
Landlady: “Well, I shalln’t …….
I. I always collect payment in advance.
II. I am a woman with tough interiors.
9. Clerk: “My wife told me to ask you for a raise, sit.”
I. “All right, I’ll ask my wife if I can give you one.”
II. “Doesn’t she also tell you to do some hard work, Mr. Sinha?”
10. Gopu: “If you sell your watches at cost price, how can you make any profit?”
I. “We make our profit by repairing them.”
II. “Ours is a long-term business strategy.”
11. It is hard to lose all your relatives ………..
I. And impossible if you are a financier.
II. With none of them having left you any money.
12. It’s not wise to argue with a fool because…………..
I. The bystanders might not known who is who
II. It is foolish not to argue with a wise man.
13. A husband was breathing forth his grievances: “It’s all right if a woman wants her husband to be a bread-winner but…… ”
I. It’s not fair if she wants him to be a “bakery”.
II. It’s not fair if she wants him to be a bread-maker too.
14. A asked his friend B, how the later had amassed so much wealth in such a short time. B said: “I joined hands with a rich man. He had the money and I had the experience.”
He added: …………
I. “Now he has the experience and I the money.”
II. “When experience joins money, it creates miracles.”
15. “Excuse me, but I’m in hurry. You have been holding that phone for twenty minutes and not said a word.” said the woman.
The man replied: ……….
I. “I’m talking to my wife, madam.”
II. “That is because I’m in no hurry, madam.”
16. A doctor warned his patient; “you must stop smoking, otherwise you might ………”
I. Set fire to my couch.
II. Not be able to pay my bills.
17. Servant: “The doctor is here, professor.”
Professor: “I don’t wantto see him……. ”
I. Tell him I’m ill.
II. Tell him I’m alright.
18. Judge: “Well, we have thirty witnesses who saw you steal the automobile.”
Prisoner, “Sir,……. ”
I. I can give you sixty witnesses who did not see me steal it.
II. May be all of them are liars.
19. A : “Do you know, reports reveal that infants don’t like their periods of infancy?”
I. “Yes, when they become adults they can indulge in adultery.”
II. “Gosh. How good it’d be if we were born adults.”
20. Mansi asked her elder sister Manjul, “Why does a traffic light turn red, sister?”
Manjul replied: ……….
I. “Why not? You’d blush too if you had to change in the middle of the street?”
II. “May be it warns us of a possible accident by showing the colour of blood.”
21. Son: “When will I be old enough to do as I please, dad?”
I. “When you become as old as myself, son”
II. “Nobody lives that long, son.”
22. Doctor: “Congratulations, Awasthi jee, you are going to have triplets.”
Mr. Awasthi: …………
I. “Well, find out from her who are the other two guys.”
II. “So, I will have to buy three ‘your baby’s future policies’ instead of one.”
23. The electrician came to repair the socket. He asked: “Does the bulb work when this plug is switched on?”
The house-owner replied: …………
I. “I don’t know, I don’t have a bulb.”
II. “I can’t say. I don’t have a plug.”
24. The speed of a jet flight is truly staggering. You can have breakfast in London, lunch in New York and ……….
I. Dine with the airhostess in a Korean hotel.
II. Indigestion in Tokyo.
25. An advertisement went thus: “If you’d like a job which requires you to just stand around; keep looking at beautiful heavenly bodies……., ”
I. You may join us as an astronomer.
II. We are sorry, but we do have an opening for a sincere swimming coach.